Missing History of Descartes Part 3

Previously, on the Missing History of Descartes

Descartes wakes up in Russia, naked and missing a kidney after taking a tab of acid. Descartes attempts to get out of Russia using various mathematical formulas, but strikes upon success when he meets a strange man called ‘Morphieus’ who informs Descartes that Russia is actually a computer simulation. Desperate to escape Russia, Descartes takes a red pill.

And now, back to our story…

18 July 1620 9:48 am – Descartes swallows the red pill with a pint of vodka. He takes a seat while some of Morphiesus’ men begin hooking up wires and electrodes to his head. Descartes waits patiently for something to happen. He asks Morpheus if perhaps he should go for a walk or maybe move his limbs a bit to allow for the effects to kick in. Morpheus informs Descartes that there is perhaps just a bit of latency with the pill, and that it should kick in at any moment.

18 July 1620 9:55 am – Morpheus looks at his wristwatch several times. Descartes begins flicking through a magazine. ‘This should just take a moment’ Morpheus tells Descartes reassuringly.

18 July 1620 10:15 am – Morpheus surmises that Descartes has developed a high tolerance to drugs thanks to his pervious acid trips, and decides to just throw Descartes the entire bottle of red pills to consume. The pair continue to wait for something to happen.

18 July 1620 10:20 am – Descartes begins to feel something occur. He’s noticed that the wax in the candle sitting next to him is shaping and shifting into both liquid and a solid. He touches the wax,  and it begins to envelope his arm. He calmly reflects on a thought that was building inside his head.

‘Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real. What if you were unable to wake from that dream. How would you know the difference between that world and this world?’

Descartes hears Morpheus muttering something about that being an interesting thought, and that he will repeat that one day. Descartes, however, is not paying any attention to Morphieus, as he feels himself falling and the colour bleeding out of the room.

15 January 2554 – 11:00 am. Descartes wakes once again naked and in a bathtub. He realises that this time around, however, he is surrounded by pink goo. He briefly notices that there are wires sticking out of his body at various angles, before a mechanical creature approaches Descartes and activates some sort of trigger that sucks Descartes into a pit of foul smelling slime. ‘Still beats Russia’ Descartes notes to himself as he gets winched up into the bowels of a ship.

15 January 2554 – 11:30 am. Descartes is unshackled from the winch by a handful of surly crew members in rags, as Morpheus approaches him. Morpheus promptly informs Descartes he is onboard the Nebuchadnezzar (V 1.12).

To be continued…

Jack Lonsdale

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