Look, I don’t know to bring this up but I don’t feel valued in this relationship.
You man-handle me all the time, stroke me without permission and are constantly pushing my buttons, all in the hope of getting a reaction.
You ask me to call your friends, remember important dates and even check your emails! I mean, God, don’t you know how to access the internet?
I play your favourite songs; soothe you and do I ever get a thank you?
I mean, I even come with you to the toilet!
Who needs company while they are on the throne?
Don’t even get me started about the wake up calls.
I set your alarm, tell you the important news stories of the day, and take photo’s when you want me to.
All I’m after is a bit of recognition.
Let’s not even mention the time that you smashed my face in and refused to buy me a jacket to cover up with.
That was embarrassing for both of us.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m breaking up with you.
Get yourself a new phone.